Destiny's Mirror
by SadaraLochlan
Summary: Damar's past comes calling when Weyoun discovers more on Damar's datapadd than just the plans to poison the Ketracel White; and secrets revealed will affect the young Cardassian in ways he can't imagine.
1. Skeletons in the Closet

_My Dearest Corat,_

 _Humans have a custom called the love letter that, while not what Cardassians would deem as great literature, has its own charm that I hope touches your heart in the way I hope._

 _But I fear that my reasons for writing you aren't confined to sharing my feelings or another ancient Earth custom. I may not be able to see you again. At your insistence, I paid a visit to the Chief Medical Officer which brought me the most incredible, but terrifying news. My hands are trembling even as I write this._

 _I'm expecting our twins. I apologize for the shock I know this must be to you, but I hope that when it sinks in the news will bring you some joy. And if it does, I truly hope you will be able to be a father to them. The latter unfortunately, seems to rest on the skills of those conducting the peace talks._

 _Whatever happens, I want you to know how deeply I love you and how painful it will be to be parted from you. I am optimistic that the peace talks will succeed, but either way, our children will be the light of my life as you have been these last several weeks._

 _With deepest love and affection,_

 _Selena_

"How delightful?!" Weyoun crowed to the wardroom as he regarded the datapad in his hand with such glee that the smile was borderline savage. Across the room from where the pale skinned Vorta sat, Gul Dukat stood pensively at the window. A baseball, the cherished possession of his respected enemy, Benjamin Sisko, ro lled securely on his fingertips. Turning his head, he spared Weyoun a withering look.

"Thirty minutes ago, you were appalled by what was on Damar's datapad. Now you're delighted?!"

Mischief danced merrily in Weyoun's violet eyes as he continued to regard the little device. To observe the Founder's most trusted subject one might have thought he'd just discovered a treasure trove of Federation secrets.

"I have to admit that Damar's idea to poison the Jem'Hadar's Ketracel White rations was unexpected and rather passive aggressive for him, but this…! This reveals a whole new side of Damar and it is positively mesmerizing, don't you think?"

"What _are_ you talking about?!"

"Here! Come see for yourself!" Weyoun waved Dukat over excitedly, extending the datapad out to him with the other hand. He was going to positively savor the look on his comrade's face as he looked into this window of Damar's past. Weyoun had never particularly gotten along with or trusted Damar. Not that the Vorta trusted many, but he and Damar had different ways of approaching almost any situation. Damar was aggressive, impulsive, and brutal in both word and deed and Weyoun found such tactlessness repulsive. He never would have guessed Dukat's chief thug would have gotten mixed up with a Federation woman; a romance so laced with intrigue and fraught with consequences it made Weyoun's mouth water at the possibility of learning more.

"Come on, don't be shy!" Weyoun chirped excitedly as Dukat reluctantly joined him at the table. He took the proffered datapad and began scanning the contents.

"I always knew Damar was impulsive, but I never suspected he was such a hypocrite. And irresponsible," Weyoun whispered, enjoying the gossip.

After a long moment of silence, Dukat's head fell back and his bright blue eyes drifted shut. The datapad slipped listlessly from Dukat's hands onto the table with a soft clack.

"He still hasn't forgotten her," Dukat croaked.


	2. Ghosts of the Past

"You knew about this?! Oh, do tell!" Weyoun rubbed his hands together. He was positively giddy at this new development. If Dukat had had his slimy reptilian fingers in this pie, then surely the events that unfolded were positively captivating. Weyoun felt as if he'd stumbled onto some mesmerizing novel or at the very least, one of those trashy gossip columns that the races of the Alpha Quadrant seemed so preoccupied with.

A deep sigh escaped Gul Dukat and he stared out the large window again in the direction of the wormhole. Weyoun suspected the other man was hoping the wormhole would open up and swallow up this whole conversation. The thought tickled him.

Weyoun leaned back in his chair and waited patiently though he was nearly mad with anticipation of discovering all the revolting, but no doubt juicy, details. Cautious himself, he could respect Dukat's need to consider how much information was safe to reveal. His gaze followed Dukat's as it lowered to contemplate the red laced, white sphere in his palm.

"The love affair showed a lack of good judgment on Damar's part to be sure," he admitted after a long moment.

"An interesting judgment coming from you; a man who specializes in affairs with women not of his own race."

Weyoun's mocking laughter earned him a dark glower from the Cardassian leader and his large, violet eyes widened in anticipation of the verbose and emphatic justification he expected Dukat to hurl in his direction.

"There was no way Damar and that girl could have stayed together even if the peace talks had been successful. She was Starfleet and he was an officer of the Cardassian Union!" Dukat spat with conviction, leveling a finger at Weyoun. "What I did was for Damar's own good!"

"My, my," Weyoun grinned. "You do have quite a talent for qualifying your meddling in the affairs of others. Even your most loyal lapdog's love life was unsafe from your slimy fingertips. And he's so dense that he's probably never suspected a thing even after all this time."

Weyoun reached for the datapad that Dukat had dropped onto the table, but Dukat was quicker.

"You've seen enough," Dukat said, with a hint of warning in his deep voice that didn't go undetected by Weyoun. "This is Damar's and I'll be returning it to him."

W*W*W*W*

Damar stopped in front of the door to Ziyal's quarters and pressed the chime. He reminded himself that, despite his very recent promotion to Gul, he was still Dukat's adjutant and that meant that quite often the more mundane tasks such as fetching Dukat's daughter for dinner with her father fell on him. On occasion, he was asked to join them. He liked Ziyal well enough as a person, but her mixed heritage stirred warring emotions in him that he couldn't quite identify. The inner turmoil churned inside of him every time he saw her.

He did appreciate her politeness and punctuality and knew that he wouldn't have long to wait before she answered the door. Tensing, he braced himself for the onslaught of uncomfortable, ambiguous emotions.

As expected, the door slid open a mere few seconds later to reveal the half Cardassian/half Bajoran woman and her radiant smile. Damar couldn't fault her for always looking forward to visiting with her father, but he wished she'd be a dutiful Cardassian daughter to Dukat in more ways than just spending time with him. Dukat deserved that.

"Damar, come in! I'll be just a moment!"

She motioned for him to follow her inside her quarters.

He stopped just slightly inside the door, noting the quiet hiss as it shut behind him. The delightful aroma of something wonderful to eat wafted from the dining area. It mingled with the equally pleasant scent of Ziyal's light, flowery perfume.

Damar watched intently as the pretty young woman trotted off into her bedroom to freshen up. He took the opportunity to learn more about her by looking around the living area. Some of her paintings hung about the dwelling and photographs sat upon various ledges and pieces of furniture. He had seen some of her paintings before so the photographs caught his eye first. A couple of them were of her and her father and her and Major Kira. One in particular on the coffee table appeared to be of Ziyal and another Cardassian woman not much older than her. When would she have had the opportunity to interact with other Cardassian women her age?

Curious, he picked it up for a closer look. The details of the background suggested Quark's bar as the location when the photograph was taken, but Damar couldn't recall ever seeing the other woman or having any civilian visitors from Cardassia since the Cardassians and Dominion had retaken the station.

Damar frowned in confusion. When had this been taken? Who was this other woman?

He stared at the unknown face as if willing it to produce the answers he wanted. He absorbed the details of her face and clothing for clues. Her dress was reminiscent of Garak's creations so that was of little help. Her scales were very similar to Ziyal's, not as pronounced as a full Cardassian woman's would be so Damar wondered if this girl was also only half Cardassian. No nose ridges, so not half Bajoran. In fact, there were no features of any other race in this girl, which only deepened his confusion and his curiosity. Her smile was every bit as radiant as Ziyal's, but it reminded him of someone he knew long ago. And her eyes… he could see himself in her clear blue eyes.

"But that's impossible!" He forcibly reminded himself, shaking his head. "She's been dead for almost 30 years!"

Hearing Damar sound so distressed all of a sudden, Ziyal exited her bedroom as she finished putting the last hairpins into place in the intricate, ebony updo she'd just created.

"What is?" She asked with concern as she joined him near the coffee table. "Who has?"

Craning her neck, she peered at the photograph in Damar's hands and then up at Damar in confusion.

"Who is she?! I must know!"

Ziyal shook her head. "I don't understa-?"

Damar's heart slammed against his chest as if trying to escape and his eyes squeezed shut with the effort not to snap at Ziyal for her hesitance.

"Please, Ziyal?!"

"Her name is Casara. Her mother is Human and the first officer of a Starfleet vessel I think. They were here for repairs several months ago and Casara remained here for about a month while that ship was sent to the front lines. Both of us being only half Cardassian, we became quite close while she was here."

All of a sudden it hit Damar like a ton of bricks. Why hadn't it been obvious before?! This was why looking upon Ziyal was so uncomfortable for him. She reminded him of the half Cardassian family he'd almost had.

"What was her mother's name?!"

He winced at the harsh impatience of his tone. He was pushing the confused young woman rather hard for information and offering no explanation. He knew she didn't deserve how unbelievably rude he was being, but he was desperate to learn what she knew. If this Casara's mother was who he suspected…

Ziyal searched her memory. She was flustered, obviously uncomfortable with Damar's growing impatience and she searched her memory frantically for the information he wanted.

"Her first name was Selena. I think the last name was… Lobos? Something Terran."

Damar's eyes went wide with shock and disbelief and he leaned against the couch for support. Everything seemed surreal at that moment as if this couldn't possibly be happening to him.

Ziyal touched his arm and he looked down at her, touched by the concern in her bright green eyes.

"Damar, what's wrong? Did you know Selena?"

He nodded ever so slightly and when he spoke, it was barely a whisper that Ziyal had to strain to hear.

"I knew her. It's been almost 30 years. I was in love with her. All these years I thought she was dead…"

Ignoring the surprise in her expression at his confession, he gathered his composure and stood.

"Grab your food and hurry. We have to see your father now! Or better yet, I'll do it. Try to keep up." Damar ordered as he scooped up the dish from the dining room table and strode out the door at warp speed with a bewildered Ziyal jogging after him.


	3. Confrontation

Under normal circumstances, Gul Damar would have stopped just outside the door to Dukat's quarters unless invited in.

These were not normal circumstances so when his commanding officer greeted him and Ziyal at the door, Damar used the fact that he was toting Ziyal's dish as a way of inviting himself in. Brusquely, he shouldered his way past the slightly taller man, relishing how his borderline insubordination was met by Dukat with confusion and a step out of the way. A by the book soldier, Damar was used to minding the pecking order and rarely pushed the outer envelope of his own authority, but if this was the reaction to him throwing his weight around, he could see himself being bolder in the future.

The gentleness with which he set the dish down on the dining room table was in stark contrast to the bull in china shop way in which he'd entered.

"Damar, is something the matter?" Dukat asked. His bright blue eyes were wide with confusion and amazement as if he couldn't quite believe what Damar had just done.

Damar turned slightly, but he couldn't quite bring himself to fully face the other man. In a flash, the boldness with which he'd entered vanished and in its place was a man grappling with a life changing truth as it began to sink in.

"She's alive!" He exclaimed as if even he still couldn't believe it.

"Who is?!" Dukat asked.

"Selena! She's alive! And my twins are alive too. At least one of them is… All this time I thought they were dead…"

Damar paced near the dining room table, still distracted as if by talking more to himself than to Dukat he could force himself to come to terms with the news.

A long sigh left Dukat and he put a defensive hand out to stop anything else Damar was about to say.

"Now Damar, what I did was for your own good…"

That last froze Damar right in his tracks and his heart lurched in horror. Dukat had meddled in others' affairs before for their "own good" with often less than stellar results and sometimes with Dukat's own benefit in mind.

"What are you talking about?!" He asked, certain he was not going to like the answer.

Dread settled in his stomach like a dead weight. He knew the elaborate schemes that Dukat's sharp, manipulative mind could conjure up, but to imagine that he might have been the victim of one such scheme was a deception that he never thought he'd have to face.

"You would never have been able to be with them, Damar! Even if those peace talks had been successful, she was still a Starfleet officer and you a soldier of the Cardassian Union. When would you have seen them?! How would you have ever been a father to those children?! And you know they'd never have been accepted on Cardassia! It was for the best. You went on to have a decent military career and have a proper Cardassian family like you were supposed to do!"

Standing up taller, Damar glowered at Dukat menacingly; savoring the look of hesitant surprise on the latter's scaled countenance. Fury filled him from head to toe.

"What did you do?!"

The words were uttered slowly and darkly. That he had been betrayed by his mentor was not even a question at this point, but Damar still wanted to know exactly how lavish a scheme it was. Their eyes locked and Damar could see the wheels turning in Dukat's head. No doubt he was racing through the ramifications of how much he confessed to. Damar vaguely registered Ziyal standing in the background, out of the way of the two Cardassian males. She was pressed against the wall behind her father, her expression uncertain and afraid of the unexpected confrontation between the two longstanding friends.

"I orchestrated events to make it appear to you that she had been killed. If you believed she was dead, you would move on with your life, which you did. Mostly. After you returned to your ship, I had her returned unharmed to hers; and left standing orders with your commanding officer that no attempts from her to communicate with you ever reach you."

"You had no right!" Damar spat contemptuously.

"I had every right! I was your superior!"

"No! They were _my_ responsibility! _My_ family!"

"You were twenty years old, Damar! Do you think I don't remember what it was like to be young and intoxicated by meeting all those exotic, alien women for the first time? You would have thrown your entire future away over that human girl! You were too young to fully understand the consequences to yourself and your family. Someone had to save you from yourself!"

Damar's eyes narrowed at Dukat's hypocrisy. Could he not hear himself? Did he not remember how many Bajoran women he'd dallied with during the Occupation? How many times he'd risked his own rather lengthy neck for a night of passion with an alien woman? And most of the time it wasn't even for love; just passion. Indeed, Dukat had lost it all. Well, most of it. He had managed to regain his rank and power in the military, but his proper Cardassian family had left him. His illegitimate, half Bajoran daughter, Ziyal was the only family Skrain Dukat had now and he clung to her like a lifeline. Looking upon her now, knowing how Dukat had kept him from his own twins, seeded the most vitriolic jealousy of Dukat and contempt for his actions.

"Like someone should have saved you from yourself when you got involved with Tora Naprem?" Damar quipped sarcastically, his signature smirk tugging unmercifully at his full lips. The remark was awful of him, Damar knew, but he refused to feel guilt or remorse over it. After what Dukat had taken from him, Damar felt Dukat could take a few looks in the mirror himself and Damar was more than happy to hold it up.

"Get out!" Dukat ordered, pointing furiously to the door. Only his angry scowl followed Damar as the younger man marched out the door. Unable to slam the door behind him, Damar kicked it when it hissed shut for emphasis.


	4. Daddy's Little Girl

Gul Dukat breathed a sigh of relief at the welcoming hiss of his ready room doors as they parted. He'd been staring at fleet deployments and battle strategies for the last few hours and was more than ready to give his weary eyes a break. His long fingers stole out one last time to power down his monitor and then he leaned back in his chair, preparing to greet his visitor. A bright, enthusiastic smile lit up his reptilian like features as his visitor turned out to be his own daughter, Ziyal. She was a far more appealing reprieve from his work than another grim discussion with Weyoun about the war.

She didn't often visit him in Ops or anytime he was on duty, really. Dukat appreciated her thoughtfulness and respect for his time, but he was a Cardassian and Cardassian parents welcomed their children with open arms at virtually any time and place.

"Ah, Ziyal! Come in!" He beckoned her over to his side of the desk. The smile remained, but concern dimmed his eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if this rare and unexpected visit heralded a problem.

His warm greeting was returned by her own radiant smile. Ziyal's smile couldn't be referred to anything but and it made the former Prefect of Bajor's heart ache in bittersweet remembrance of her mother, Tora Naprem.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked pleasantly as she leaned slightly against his desk.

"I was hoping you'd help me with something," the young woman opened with cheerful optimism tingeing her soft voice.

Not imagining the request about to befall him, Dukat gestured for Ziyal to continue.

"Certainly," he said as if it were a done deal already.

Settling more of her weight on the corner of her father's desk, the vibrant Cardassian/Bajoran hybrid turned somber and serious. It was not a look Dukat enjoyed seeing on his gentle daughter's lovely face.

"I'd like you to help me do something for Damar."

"Damar?" Dukat asked, unable to mask his surprise and curiosity. Damar and Ziyal weren't particularly close, but the time spent on the Groumall had yielded a casual friendship. Damar had even taught the girl how to defend herself against a knife attack so they had spent a fair amount of time together.

 _He must still be upset about the other night… I didn't really expect him to get over it over night, but why can't he accept that I had his best interests at heart?_

His thoughts flew back to the night before last when Damar had confronted him with the news that Damar's human lover from decades ago was still alive. Ziyal had witnessed that entire exchange and Ziyal, being who she was, wanted to help any way she could. Her empathy was another trait that the girl had inherited from her mother and had been nurtured by her own tragic childhood. When others hurt, Ziyal hurt. As much as he wanted to encourage those loving instincts, Dukat was terrified they would someday bring her harm. She was too naïve, too trusting, too idealistic for the dark universe she inhabited.

"Please, father. He's looked so miserable at Quark's the last few nights. Quark even had to cut him off last night. I walked him back to his quarters to make sure he got there safely."

"Say no more," Dukat said, receiving her concerns with genuine acceptance. "I'll talk to him."

Ziyal reached out to touch her father's hand. "I'm hoping you'll do more than that, father. I'm asking you to help him get in touch with her and their children. He just wants to check on them and learn what the twins are like. He's in so much pain knowing they grew up without him. I can see the guilt eating him up inside."

Dukat let out a long sigh and laced his fingers in his lap. He could say no to many things and many people, but his daughter was his Achilles' heel, and never more than when she played up her most endearing smile and puppy dog eyes.

"But I can't just let Damar contact a Federation starship, Ziyal, even if it is strictly for personal matters. And I'm sure Starfleet wouldn't approve of a couple of their citizens communicating with the enemy either."

It was a half hearted attempt to convince her that her plan, while good intentioned, was dangerous and was best not attempted. He also knew he was about to crumble under the unforgiving onslaught of Ziyal's charm and innocence anyway. If Damar's daughter resembled her own mother in any way, Damar might be better off never meeting the precious thing.

"But father, he's been your best friend and most loyal soldier for so long. I know you did it for his own good, but he has missed all this time with them. Can you give him this at least? I'm sure he'd be grateful."

"And how would we do this?!" Dukat asked incredulously. "We don't even know what starship the mother is serving on."

The whole idea seemed ludicrous, but under the pleading gaze of his daughter he found himself actually considering it if a feasible way to accomplish it appeared.

Ziyal laced her hands in her lap, mirroring her father's body language, and took a deep breath. "I met their daughter, Casara before Starfleet evacuated the station. She was here for about a month. When Damar came to my quarters the other night to escort me to dinner with you, he saw a picture I had of her and something about her reminded him of a woman he was involved with long ago. He asked who she was and when I told him, he marched off to find you."

"And listening to us argue, you realized he was her father?" Dukat finished.

Ziyal nodded with a whisper. "Yes."

"I'm assuming you know what ship she's on?" Dukat stood and ventured over to the large window to gaze out at the stars. His mind was turning as he contemplated how to carry this out without arousing suspicion from Weyoun. Ideally, concealing the transmission from the smug little Vorta was preferable. The very last thing Dukat wanted right now was to risk the alliance with the Dominion over some misunderstanding about a few personal transmissions between his most trusted subordinate and the long lost lover on the opposing side of the trenches. If Weyoun discovered the communications and Dukat couldn't convince him they were harmless personal issues, he shuddered to think of the potential consequences for the alliance and even Cardassia if Weyoun felt threatened enough.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ziyal stand, hopeful anticipation animating her once again. "Selena is aboard the Alamo. Casara left on the Defiant. I don't know if she's made it back to her mother yet."

Dukat nodded, wondering what he was getting himself into and how he let himself be talked into it. He turned toward Ziyal and lifted an authoritative finger toward her.

"I will allow it, but under my supervision. If Weyoun discovers the transmission, I have to be able to verify that nothing other than Damar's personal situation was discussed."

"Completely understandable, father. Thank you!"

She hugged him so hard he thought she might crack a few ribs. It would be less painful that what awaited him if Weyoun found out he was contacting a Federation starship for issues not considered threats or diplomatic negotiations.


	5. Ghosts of Lovers' Pasts

Damar swallowed nervously in the background as Ziyal dropped herself gently into her chair and began typing in the commands that would send out a communiqué to one Commander Selena Lobos of the USS Alamo. Pacing impatiently like a caged tiger, he was still struggling to find the words to say to her if Ziyal was successful in patching in straight through to her.

What the hell could he say to the woman who raised his children alone that would make a difference to her after all these years? And how could he tell her that he was contacting her for his own selfish reasons? That he wanted to see her face and hear her voice again; to hear about their children before they were all killed in this war. And even if they somehow all managed to get out alive, Damar still wouldn't be able to acknowledge his illegitimate family publically; not without affecting the wife and son he had back on Cardassia.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the concerned glance Gul Dukat threw him. Whether that was out of concern for Damar's emotional state, the potential dangers of this private contact with a Starfleet officer, or some mixture of the two, Damar could only hazard a guess. He never really had doubts that Dukat, at least to some degree, cared about him; and was no denying that Dukat was sticking his considerably long neck out for Damar on this occasion. Perhaps he felt slightly guilty about lying to Damar about Selena's death all these years.

The monitor flickered slightly and illuminated Ziyal's soft face just as her delighted smile did. Damar stopped and his breath caught in his throat, but he was grateful that at least the waiting was over. He strained to see the woman on the monitor, but was met with little success with Ziyal's head in the way. The voice emanating from the monitor though was unmistakably Selena's.

"Ziyal! This is an unexpected surprise. Were you looking for Casara? She's not with me, but I could get a message to her if you'd like."

"Actually, it was you I needed to talk to, Commander Lobos."

Selena's eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Is everything alright? I'm afraid I'm limited in what I can do, for obvious reasons."

She gestured to her surroundings, indicating the fact that she was Starfleet and quite some distance from a station once again under command of the Cardassians.

Ziyal chuckled. "Everything is fine here, Commander."

"Selena, please."

"Selena," Ziyal acquiesced with a smile before plunging right into the heart of the matter. Damar had begun pacing impatiently behind her and growling to himself, hoping to intimidate her into warp speeding past the chit chat. "I learned that Corat and Casara's father is aboard the station here and he wants to talk to you if you're willing."

Finally, Damar couldn't take the suspense anymore and he jerked Ziyal out of her chair by her arm. Ziyal gasped in surprise and looked at her father, appalled at Damar's rudeness.

"Damar!" Dukat growled, horrified by his subordinate's rough treatment of his daughter.

Ignoring Dukat, Damar dropped himself into the chair that he'd hoisted Ziyal out of and finally laid eyes on the woman he thought dead for 27 years. She had aged more quickly than he had and there were fine lines around her eyes and mouth that hadn't been there decades ago. Her long, thick hair though was the same intense black, so very reminiscent of the hair of the women of his homeworld. Her tan skin was set off to perfection by the vivid magenta hue of her sundress

All the air went out of him as all the old feelings slammed into him with the same intensity of when he'd felt them for the first time with her so long ago.

"Selena…," he exhaled. His voice was deep and warm, almost like he'd purred her name rather than said it.

"I hope you're going to apologize to her, Corat. Here she was trying to help you and you just threw her out of her own chair!"

"I will. I promise," Damar said with sincerity. "And it's good to hear from you too," he teased.

Being chastised by her felt reminiscent of old times already.

His full lips stretched out in his most charming smile. It was a smile he wore only rarely, but it was guaranteed to get him into and out of whatever trouble with women he wanted. In fact, their twins probably owed that smile their lives. Under its spell, the last of Selena's hesitations and resistance had melted and she and Damar had lost themselves in blissful unity that night.

Selena ducked her head with a playful smile, her own expression turning wistful as well. "Does that smile still land you in all kinds of trouble?"

"I haven't had much use for it since I thought I lost you. I was told you were dead. And it's your smile that lands me in all kinds of trouble."

Her head tilted to the side in confusion and Damar realized she had expected some sort of joke or sarcastic comment rather than an honest allusion to his feelings. He thought of confessing how much he still cared, but the words caught in his throat as he thought of his wife and son back on Cardassia. Their future also depended on his discipline in this situation. His twins with Selena were grown and did not need him.

And his next thought was as if he had been punched in the gut: What if Selena was married? Had children with another man as well? Jealousy filled him just at the thought.

Why had he done this to himself? To her? To their families?

Their eyes locked as silence and feelings and memories hung between them through space and time and enemy lines. There was so much he could say, but it wouldn't be appropriate. Selena was not his wife and given their current situations, never likely to be.

He looked up at the ceiling, swallowing hard.

"I'm- I'm married, Selena," he choked out the words.

Her eyes dimmed with disappointment causing Damar a burst of bittersweet joy to realize there were still feelings on her end. If only…

"I see. I never married. Perhaps it's for the best. Even if you were still single, we're still not exactly on the same side of these wars, are we?"

"No. We're not," he said softly. His marriage and the beliefs of the Cardassian people about illegitimate, half Cardassian children felt suddenly inconvenient right along with the whole war against the Federation.

 _My whole life is inconvenient right now…_

Guilt pricked him as he realized just how much about his life he'd change if it meant he could have Selena and the twins in his life. His wife was a good woman and she and their son didn't deserve to be discarded.

"Will you tell me about our children though? We have a daughter…?"

Selena nodded. "Casara. You once said if you ever had a daughter you wanted to name her after your mother and I didn't really know of any other Cardassian names so it was a way to give her something from your culture."

"Ziyal said they both made it."

"We have a son as well. Corat. After his father obviously," she chuckled. "They both remind me of you in different ways on a daily, even sometimes hourly, basis. Corat in particular has your unique way of barging through anything. I can't begin to tell you how many times I had to remind him that the teacher was in control of the classroom when he'd take over if he thought they lacked authority. He's a medical doctor and loves it. Probably because he has the final say. Casara is a linguist. She knows so many languages and has a natural gift for picking them up, but it's been hard to convince her to strike out on her own. They're the only two Cardassians on the Federation side of the border and they've faced their share of prejudice and bullying. Corat has been more resilient in standing up to it."

Damar ducked his head, shame overcoming him at the thought that his children grew up as outcasts and without a father to turn to. He had tried so hard to model traditional Cardassian beliefs, but deep down, not all of them sat well with him. He would never know, but as he looked back on his youth, he fervently hoped that if he'd known Selena had lived he would have had the courage to support her and their children even in the face of certain social ostracism and career suicide.

"I'm sorry," he murmured hoarsely. "I'm sure that wasn't easy for any of you."

"They're doing fine, Corat. They're finding their way and they're good kids. I don't hold you hostage for not being there, especially not if you were told we'd been killed."

Damar nodded, feeling somewhat encouraged by his long lost lover's words. "I know that because of the war there are many things you can't share with me, but if you have any pictures and stories of you and the twins you feel you can share with me…"

Selena's face lit up with an understanding smile. "Give me a day or two to go through my albums and I'll send you a few things. I cannot however, tell you where the kids are right now. If you have a message you'd like me to give them, I would be happy to pass that on to them though."

"Tell them that I am thinking of them and look forward to the day when I can welcome them as my children with open arms."

Selena took a deep breath, her eyes misting over with tears as she nodded and cut the connection.

Damar remained frozen in Ziyal's chair, wondering just how in the universe he was going to make that a reality. Or even a remote possibility.


	6. Confrontation Part Deux

The tears spilled onto Selena's cheeks as she doubled over in her chair and her arms wrapped around her torso as if to give herself the hug she so desperately needed. Mixed emotions crashed over her in waves of varying intensity and experience. Enormous relief and joy flooded her at Damar's acceptance and love of their twins. In the darkness of the war, her heart was warmed by the loving message of acceptance he'd asked her to pass along to them. She knew what that was going to mean to them, especially Corat, to hear something positive from their father when they would have fully expected him to do the Cardassian thing and pretend they didn't exist. Or worse… kill them.

But there was still grief. There was still love between them. Their eyes had betrayed their hearts fondest desires to the other in those few moments, but there was still distance between them. The icy cold of deep space. A war. His marriage vows.

The knowledge that even if they both managed to survive the Dominion War they still couldn't be together left her feeling bereft and frozen inside.

The chirp of her door chime jolted Selena back to the outside world and she hurriedly swiped at the tears tracking down her cheeks.

 _My makeup must be a mess now. I do love myself some black eyeliner. Yay raccoon eyes!_

She checked the chronometer and realized she was late to meet her longtime friend and angel on her shoulder, Andro Shar of Andor. They had scheduled some holodeck time and the call from Deep Space Nine had delayed her.

Shar was Selena's rock and had been a father figure to her twins since before they were even born. In fact, he had delivered them and Corat often joked that if his mother and Shar had been any closer at the time Selena had met Damar, he and his sister might have been half Andorian instead of half Cardassian. It was a joke that was always met with Shar's signature smirk and a reminder that as a doctor he would have made sure he'd given Selena some form of birth control injection first.

"Like she should have asked for before she let your father touch her," he'd tease. "I'm not saying I'm not glad you're here, but Starfleet doesn't usually encourage their young female officers to get knocked up by the enemy."

Corat never took it personally. If anything, the shared joke between the two men was more often than not their way of gently teasing Selena.

Standing, she struggled valiantly to recover her composure, though she knew it wouldn't be in time for the drying tear stains to evade the perceptive gaze of a man who knew her too well.

"Come in!"

The doors parted to admit the USS Alamo's blue skinned chief medical officer. He stepped through the doorway, but lingered there. His hands were clasped behind his back in an attempt to affect calm, but Selena noted the telltale twitch of his antennae that betrayed his impatience. Selena had always been grateful for his antennae. They told her the real story with him even when the rest of his body language tried to mask things he didn't want to bother her with.

"I apologize," Selena began. "The twins' father just called me for the first time in forever so I took the call. I hope we don't miss our holodeck time. I am looking forward to this program."

Shar froze at that, his antennae fully alert and pointed toward her, signaling that she had his complete and undivided attention. "Wait. Their father?! Damar?!"

"Damar," Selena confirmed as she trotted off to her bedroom.

Shar followed her, concerned by the tearstains streaking her face. "Have you been crying?"

Plucking a hair tie from her dresser she deftly put the long, thick, ebony curtain up in a loose bun. They were going to be having dinner at some point and she hated her hair in her face when she ate.

"A little. It was emotional for both of us. Just hearing from him after all this time took me by complete surprise. And I should tell the captain after we're done with our holodeck time. In fact…"

She tapped her combadge, feeling comforted by its cheerful chirp. "Lobos to Captain Kattan."

"Kattan here. Go ahead, Selena."

"If possible, I need to see you once Dr. Shar and I are done with our holodeck time. It's not particularly urgent, but I feel it's something you should be aware of."

"Feel free to drop by my quarters whenever you're finished there."

"Thank you, Captain."

A sigh of relief escaped Selena and she turned her attention back to her Andorian friend. "I am all yours now."

"Finally," he remarked sarcastically as if the wait had been interminable and gestured toward the door. "Now you can tell me about your conversation with that sorry excuse for a man…"

W*W*W*W*

Selena led the way out of her quarters with Shar falling into step with her. They made their way down the corridor in the direction of the turbolifts that would take them to Deck 15.

She let the insult against Damar go. Shar had never been fond of Damar. In fact, the two men had come to blows more than once over Damar's relationship with Selena. She'd only asked that he refrained from expressing his loathing of her former Cardassian lover in front of the twins.

"He thought I was dead all these years, Andro," she said plainly. "That's why I hadn't heard from him. That and the slight problem of personal communiqués across enemy lines."

"And you believe him?!" Shar spat.

"Damar is not a liar, Andro!"

"Perhaps not, but he was and is a viper who used your naïveté to manipulate you into acquiescing to his own cultural beliefs; beliefs that left you pregnant with his children and excused him from the responsibility of taking care of them."

Selena exhaled. "We've been over this many times, Andro. I'm Human. He's Cardassian. At the time, we didn't think we could have a child together so we weren't concerned about birth control. I still don't see how that makes him the devil."

"And I still don't see how you don't see how he's the devil. The point is the Cardassians are very pro natalist. Despite their lack of desire to prevent unwanted pregnancies, they don't welcome their illegitimate and hybrid children. He's the devil because he played on your willingness to be culturally sensitive and risked getting you pregnant knowing his culture wouldn't hold him responsible for the sub Cardassian children you'd have. It must be laughably easy to say "oh honey, just let it happen" when there are no consequences for him if it does."

They approached the turbolift doors and Selena punched in a few commands to summon the next lift. As they waited, fresh tears welled up in her warm brown eyes. Maybe Shar was right. Maybe Damar just used her as an easy, willing body for seven weeks. Maybe everything she believed about her Cardassian lover was a fabrication of her own imagination. Maybe everything she'd ever told her twins about their father was nothing more than a horrible lie.

Maybe deep down, Damar wasn't the warm, charming, and playful young man she thought she'd known. Maybe he would have deserted her and their twins as Shar had always believed he would have.

There was really no way to know.

After what seemed like an eternity, the lift arrived. She felt Shar's hand brush her arm comfortingly and she turned to face him.

"I can't say how the past would have been different if Damar had believed I was still alive. He had told me a few days after learning I was pregnant that he had plans to come with me somehow, but I don't know for sure how serious he was about that or if he would have been able to do that. As I said, I've never known him to lie. When I spoke to him today, he asked me to pass on a message to the twins that he looked forward to meeting them and welcoming them into his life. I'd prefer to hope he means that instead of being suspicious of him at every turn."

Shar looked at her and was silent for a moment, obviously pondering his response. After a moment, he nodded.

"Alright. But someone is going to have be suspicious for you. That someone might as well be me. Again… As usual."

Selena laughed. It had taken a while this time, but he finally made her laugh again.


	7. Great Holosuite Escapes

Quark's Bar was hopping as Damar sauntered in like a man on a mission after a long duty shift. There were a number of faces he recognized, but he was uninterested in stopping to chat with any of them. Instead, he made his way to the bar and straddled one of the few empty chairs near Quark.

Noticing the arrival of Dukat's adjutant, Quark reached for the bottle of Kanar on the rack behind him. A glass accompanied it as the conniving little Ferengi set them in front of his Cardassian customer.

"You know me so well, Quark," Damar teased.

"That should frighten you," Quark returned with a sly smile before resting an elbow on the bar and eyeing the bottle of Kanar. "Sometimes I wonder if I should just give you that thing. You're the only one that orders the stuff."

Damar poured the first shot and downed it. "We can't all have good taste."

Quark snorted and straightened up, about to move on to the next customer when Damar reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Not yet. I need to ask for your help," Damar said, keeping his voice low. He was grateful that it was busy and noisy so they were less likely to be overheard.

"Mine?!"

Quark leaned in close to Damar, the sly smile stretching out, exposing two rows of sharp, pointy teeth.

"It's nothing illegal so don't get too excited," Damar laughed, pouring himself another shot. It occurred to him that he should be keeping tabs on his bar tab, but he decided to just let the evening take him wherever. With Quark's help that would be to the holosuite. "I need you to make a holosuite program for me."

"That's going to cost you," Quark warned, though his interest was piqued. Damar had never asked for holosuite time before and now he was requesting a custom made program.

"I'm sure it will. I want a recreation of a time and a woman from my past. Say 2348 and the peace talks at Dorvan V. I have pictures of the girl," Damar said, showing his datapad to the Ferengi bartender.

Quark studied the picture for a moment before his large blue eyes widened in recognition of the woman.

"Commander Lobos? A Hu-Mon?!" He laughed uproariously, but quieted himself as he caught Damar grimace at all the attention they'd just gathered. "Wait a minute… Commander Lobos was here a month or two before you Cardassians retook the station and she has a half Cardassian daughter. Is Casara Lobos your…"

"Daughter?" Damar finished for him. "Yes. She is. Don't ever touch her or I'll break you in half."

Putting his hands up in surrender, Quark poured himself a shot of the Kanar. "I would never… Now, about that holosuite program…"

W*W*W*W*

It had taken about a week, but Quark met Damar at his usual barstool at Damar's usual time with the silvery metallic piece of technology that would be the gateway to Damar's next temporary exit from his fears of what the alliance with the Dominion could bring. He couldn't put his finger on it and he wanted to believe that his mentor, Gul Dukat really did know what he was doing, but Damar couldn't shake the gnawing feeling that the older man had only negotiated their people into their own doom.

But Damar was only man. Only one voice of dissent. And what did he know anyway? He'd only ever been a lackluster, ambitionless; by the book soldier his entire life. He wasn't a great leader like Dukat. He wasn't even a great soldier. What could he do about it other than do his job and hope for the best?

Entering the holosuite, the memories overwhelmed Damar as he took in the stunning recreation of Ilaran Retreat. He took a deep breath and his eyes drifted shut as he took the moment to simply soak in the peaceful ambience of his surroundings. The sun was setting and nearby the soothing sounds of running water emanated from a large fountain. Though the planet was as humid as he would have preferred, the temperature was comfortable for him.

Consciously, he realized that it was all an elaborate illusion fabricated for him by Quark upon his request; and so far, the scheming little Ferengi had delivered in spades. If this first glimpse was any indication of what was to come, Damar could easily picture himself spending much more time in the holosuites.

He took a long pull of Kanar. Quark had sent the bottle with him and Damar wasn't one to turn down a free offering from the bartender. Swallowing, he held the bottle up and reconsidered his use for it at the moment. He didn't want to be drunk for this. He wanted to savor every last detail without his photographic Cardassian memory compromised by intoxication.

Making his way up the path, the first stars of the evening twinkled at him as they emerged from behind the Sun's fading veil.

The doors to the largest of the Retreat's buildings yawned open as if expecting him and Damar stepped through, noting the slightly cooler temperature inside. The lighting was mercifully dim; and coming from the dining hall straight ahead was the sweet sound of a woman softly singing in a language he didn't recognize.

His heart leapt, confusing him. He had asked Quark to program the sequence of events from his own memories. Of course he knew he was going to hear her as soon as he walked through those doors. Why was he feeling so emotionally compelled when this wasn't real? Just a recreation?

Deep down he knew the answer.

His heart was already in the next room. The rest of him had only to follow it.


	8. A Hard Time

She caught sight of her audience out of the corner of her eye just as she ended the song. She gasped, startled, and her hand flew up to her heart.

"Oh my goodness, you startled me!"

"I-," Damar started, but he was caught off guard as well and wasn't sure what to say.

The proud owner of the stunning voice appeared to be Human and a pretty one as Humans went. Long, thick black hair cascaded down her back, very reminiscent of the hair of Cardassian women. Coffee brown eyes welcomed him cheerfully and the beautiful smile starting to light up her face instantly put him at ease. She was wearing a violet hued dress that set off her tanned skin to perfection.

"My… apologies. I… couldn't help but be drawn to your singing."

"You look like you've seen a ghost," she said, amusement and curiosity tinged her voice.

He smiled slightly, a wistful look appearing on his face. "More like heard one. Your voice sounds very much like my grandmother's. For a moment, I was taken back to my childhood."

The young woman's smile widened happily at what sounded like a compliment. "Well, judging by the expression on your face, it appeared to have been a pleasant experience for you. I guess if I'm going to be sending people back to their pasts with my voice, it should be a happy occasion."

Damar sighed, but his own smile grew as he pondered the irony of her words. "If only you knew…"

They regarded each other intently for a long moment. Both likely pondering the irony of how easily they'd interacted so far and wondering why their respective peoples couldn't find any common ground in their border disputes.

The young woman was the first to break the silence, though she maintained the intense eye contact.

"I'm Selena. Selena Lobos."

W*W*W*W*

Damar made his way to his post with long, energetic strides. His assigned duties were hardly engaging, but he had been paired off to work with the young Human woman he had stumbled upon in the deserted dining hall the night before. Cardassians didn't believe in luck or fate, but regardless of what forces had brought him and Selena together for the next seven weeks, he would be the last to protest the results. And if Selena was as warm and welcoming most days as she had been the previous evening, then Damar anticipated the coming days to be pleasant indeed.

He noted several of his comrades up ahead of him approaching their own posts and the Starfleet officers they would be working with. The powers that be, in their infinite wisdom, had decided that trust between the squabbling factions could be fostered by placing them in positions of shared responsibility. The tension filled the mammoth corridor as the members of both Cardassian and Starfleet security details exchanged introductions.

Nervous anticipation filled Damar as his sharp eyes impatiently searched the mildly crowded area for Selena. He waded his way through the throng of people; his agitation at not having found her yet growing even as the crowd dissipated as more guards found their battle buddy and began relocating to their posts.

Without warning, he stopped in the middle of the crowd and growled lowly to himself.

"What am I doing?!" He muttered with irritation. "I've already lived this… I know where she is!"

Next to Damar another Cardassian soldier heard him and turned. "Gil Damar?"

Damar shook his head and continued on.

He supposed he should be grateful that Quark did so masterful a job on this program that the Cardassian literally forgot for a few moments that he already knew what was supposed to happen.

Nearing the large, ornate doors that led to the great hall where the peace talks would actually be held, Damar looked left. The dining hall was a short distance down that hallway.

And then he saw her… hurrying in his direction with a donut pinched between her teeth and her hands deftly working to put her hair up in a high bun. He gave her a rather intense once over and noted that she was dressed in the stiff, now out of service, maroon Starfleet uniform; and the restrictive nature of the heavy jacket appeared to be giving her fits as she fussed with her hair. Her knee high, black boots were polished to the point that Damar wondered if he could see his reflection in them were he to stare down at her feet. They spoke to him of a dedicated and disciplined soldier, but that image seemed so at odds with the current picture of her with breakfast on the run and her damp hair just now being put up.

She took his breath away.

"Well hello…," he greeted her warmly.

Looking up, Selena caught sight of Damar and their eyes locked. She grinned sheepishly around the donut, leaving behind a wine hued stain from her lipstick on the sugary treat. His attention was now fully drawn to her very full lips and he shuddered violently as a jolt of arousal shot through him.

 _Oh not now. Please not now…_ , he grimaced as he summoned all of his training and discipline to banish the sumptuous memories of her lips doing delightful things to him… and the growing physical evidence of his arousal. It staggered him to realize just how much power those memories still had over him. Squelching the desire to instruct the computer to forward the program to more intimate times with Selena, Damar reached up and plucked the donut from her mouth. Twenty seven years ago, he had taken the treat from her mouth in the hopes that it would start some playful bickering between them. This time he needed it to distract himself from the urge to haul her off somewhere private and slake his physical desires with her.

The young Hispanic woman raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes momentarily in greeting, though there was a question in them. Finally she was satisfied that her hair was securely in the customary bun she wore on duty and her hands dropped to settle on her hips in an authoritative pose.

"Just what are your intentions with my breakfast?"

With a smug smirk, Damar broke off half of the donut and handed one half to her.

"You're late. This is your punishment," he informed her teasingly as he took a large bite.

"Sorry. I was told Cardassians respect punctuality and lateness is considered rude, but I'm afraid I'm a bit sluggish this morning. I don't sleep well the first night or two at a new post. I tend to have strange dreams. Maybe it's from being in a strange place, I don't know."

Damar smiled slightly. "I will overlook it this time," he teased. "See that it doesn't happen again though. What if something even more boring happens than just having to guard these rooms? I'm not sure I'd be able to handle that alone."

The unexpected humor in the face of her tardiness surprised Selena and delighted bells of laughter rang out from her as she fell into step with him on the way to their post. She nibbled on her donut as they made the fairly short journey to their assigned posting.

"You are correct though. Among my people, punctuality is considered polite. Lateness perceived as rude and irresponsible. Is it different among your people?" Damar asked curiously.

Selena nodded and held up a finger, pointing to her mouth as she finished chewing and swallowed.

"Generally speaking, there are similar attitudes among Humans. I'm not sure if this is the same among Cardassians, but on Earth we have many different cultures and depending on the culture one is raised in, there can be differences in behaviors and attitudes about many things. For the most part, it is considered polite to be on time. Early is preferable for some things such as medical appointments, though the doctor is usually the one running behind. Go figure. Weddings and funerals obviously. Lateness is usually forgiven though, provided the reason for being so is valid. Humans also have this weirdness that we call 'fashionably late' which entails arriving to parties or other casual gatherings mildly late in order to give the impression that one has a busy life and is popular. And if that wasn't confusing enough, we also have individuals that are simply incapable of arriving anywhere on time ever. My mother is an hour late everywhere she goes so people just tell her a get together starts an hour earlier than it actually will and then she'll show up on time. Feel free to tell me to shut up whenever because I can ramble on all day. I'm dead serious…"

Now it was Damar's turn to laugh out loud. "I'm sure you are. But Cardassians also appreciate talkativeness and good conversation and it sounds like you are capable of both. Please don't hold back. It will help pass the time in a more entertaining fashion."

Despite his encouragement, Selena fell silent until they reached the end of their journey.

"Well, we're here…," Selena said with finality as they arrived at their designated duty station. Situated near the Arms room door were one Cardassian soldier and a Starfleet security officer who had likely been waiting on the newcomers to relieve them of duty.

Damar and Selena glanced at each other and sighed in relief as they realized they had a desk and chairs situated outside the Arms room they were to be manning. As security, they were obviously capable of standing for long periods of time, but there was a silent offering of thanks that they wouldn't have to. The L shaped desk was equipped with up to the minute technology, but for the most part, Damar and Selena anticipated needing it mostly to track any weapons issued to the security details or for communication. Playing games or anything else distracting them from their jobs would earn them an unscheduled and unpleasant visit from their commanding officers.

"We should inventory the arms room and account for all weapons before you leave," Damar said to the Gamma shift guards, punching in the unique code he picked for himself for the arms room. The door hissed open and Damar stepped inside. He glanced back in time to see Selena drop herself into one of the chairs and pull up the weapons manifest, scanning through it to see how many phasers had already been issued to the security details already on duty.

Confidence filled him in their ability to work as a team and his respect and trust for her was significantly increased having witnessed her initiative.

"The last weapons issue went out about an hour ago, Gil Damar," the Cardassian soldier informed him as he and the Starfleet officer accompanied Damar into the arms room for a visual inspection. "Gul Dukat and Captain Brady did a walk through together at that time."

Damar nodded as Selena handed him a datapad with the weapons manifest and Damar quickly verified its accuracy.

"Very well. If there is nothing else to report, you are relieved. Go get some rest, my friend."

"I stand relieved, Gil Damar. Have a pleasant shift."

Upon hearing the exchange, Selena shot the Starfleet officer a playful salute, indicating that he may follow suit. The young man grinned in acknowledgement and hurried off, anxious to hit the rack.

Damar noticed the informal, almost joking exchange and shot Selena a look of confusion and slight disapproval.

Selena caught the look and shrugged. "We take our duties seriously, but we try to have a little fun along the way. The lower ranks don't stand on ceremony and formality as much."

"I see. It is the opposite for us. We tend to lighten up as our careers progress and we make long term trusted friends and connections."

Selena cocked her head as she pondered another difference between their cultures and shrugged out of the stiff maroon jacket, draping it over her chair. The temperature inside and outside the building were comfortable enough that Selena has restricted her white shirt to the sleeveless version. The collar was still too high for her liking, but she was slightly more comfortable now.

Horror and fear crept into Damar's eyes as he noted how the white shirt emphasized the swell of her breasts and nicely toned arms. That jolt of arousal from earlier was threatening to break out in an electrical storm. He had to get that jacket back on her before his self control faltered. It was far too early in this program… in the actual events from their past… for an intimate encounter.

"You're out of uniform! What if your commanding officer shows up?!" He hissed, aghast.

A sigh of frustration escaped from Selena. "I hate that damned jacket, Damar. It's so stiff and restrictive. We call it the "monster maroon." Sure, they look sharp, but security can mean lots of physical activity if a situation goes sideways and that jacket is a nuisance when it does. I hope the next time Starfleet decides to redesign uniforms they do it with function rather than form in mind. Looking sharp is nice and all, but if you can't do your job because of it…"

"Very well, but if you get caught, I'm going to pretend I know nothing about it," he growled, ducking back into the Arms room where he could remain out of sight until he'd regained control of the body now betraying him.

Damar tried to remind himself that she came from another culture that didn't necessarily put the same value and/or emphasis on the same things his people did. Yet… as different as she was, she still had qualities very much appreciated in Cardassian women. She had taken his rebukes and stood up for herself. He respected her for that.

And then there was her hair…

"Well, if you're going to be out of uniform, you might as well let your hair finish drying," he called from his hidey hole. "It's beautiful; like the hair of Cardassian women. Even last night I wanted to run my fingers through it."

 _Why did I just make it worse…?_

Damar wanted to flog himself for his stupidity. The idea wasn't to get Selena to undress more. Well, it was, but not yet. And not here.

"Really?!" She asked, surprised. She entered the Arms room, tugging her hair out of the damp bun and combing her long fingers through it. She didn't see him right away and looked around confused. She finally found him in the corner just to her right, leaning against the wall in obvious discomfort with his head tilted toward the ceiling and his eyes closed in concentration. She couldn't be certain because she really hadn't paid that much attention before, but it seemed like his neck ridges were darker and swollen.

Hearing her footsteps come closer, Damar gasped and jerked his head toward her, his expression turning embarrassed and exasperated.

"Selena!" He growled, not wanting her to see him in such a state, but it was too late.

Startled surprise took her back and she looked away as she pondered what to say to ease his discomfort and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize it was bothering you like that."

She couldn't help the joke that came unbidden to her lips though and she smirked evilly as she turned back to face him.

"Want some help with that."

Damar moaned helplessly.


	9. Aftershocks

Damar and Selena trembled together for what felt like eternity; their worlds reduced to nothing more than the feel of the other in their arms. His knees threatened to buckle, but he summoned the final reserves of his strength so they both didn't fall in an undignified heap on the Arms room floor. Long, shapely legs were still wrapped tightly around his waist and her back was propped up against the wall.

His head felt like a lead weight buried in Selena's right shoulder and her soft, ebony hair tickled the scales on his forehead. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he inhaled the musky scent of her perfume

Somewhere on the fringes of his consciousness, the young Cardassian male registered the outside world and realized the urgency of pulling themselves together again before they had company. Unscheduled visits by commanding officers were commonplace in the military and meant to keep soldiers alert and disciplined.

Reluctantly, Damar drew his hands over her hips and lifted his head. Silent understanding passed between them as their eyes met and he gently helped set her back on her feet. The hand that had been tangled in his immaculately slicked back black hair brushed against the now swollen, thick scales on his neck, jerking a ragged gasp from their owner.

"Careful," he admonished playfully.

Selena bit her lip apologetically, but a hint of mischief sparked in her eyes and Damar reciprocated with a comforting smile. He realized that she had no way of knowing how sensitive the neck scales were, particularly during times of arousal.

"As much as I enjoy marathon lovemaking, I doubt we'd get away with it here. I'd… prefer not to be worked up again, accidentally or otherwise. At least not until tonight."

Damar watched with appreciation as his new lover tugged the stiff black skirt back into place and smoothed it out. Giving herself a quick once over and deciding she was presentable again, she began arranging her hair in a bun again and gave him a quick, cheeky grin as she hurried out to the desk.

He was grateful that she'd understood that they had to return to business as quickly as possible and hadn't lingered with him in the Arms room. It gave him a few moments to gather his thoughts and make himself presentable again as well.

He leaned against the wall that Selena's back had just been pressed up against and his head fell back with a thud. He swallowed hard and did up his pants, noting that his fading arousal was giving way to more complex and conflicting emotions.

He had let things with Selena move far too quickly in this program and he was concerned about the ripples it could have in the events to follow. Would she experience regret from yielding to their desires too soon and grind their burgeoning relationship to a halt, completely derailing the emotional sanctuary he'd hoped to re-experience with the holographic representation of her? Would she request a different assignment in order to avoid any further entanglement with him? Or would she remain as enraptured by him as he was with her?

He devoutly wished for the latter.

In the actual events of their pasts, they had not fully yielded to their mutual attraction for several days. His inexperience even with Cardassian women, much less alien women, had made him hesitant and socially clumsy with Selena early on. Fortunately, the commonality of struggling with each other's alien-ness fortified their resolve to bridge those differences and learn about each other.

And then there were the mind numbing, soul sucking betrayals by his friend and mentor, Gul Dukat that after almost thirty years had finally seen emerged from the dark depths of whatever treasure chest he stored them in.

 _Mixed… Conflicted…_

Those were the words that immediately sprang to mind. The emotions themselves were harder to identify.

Dukat had deceived Damar. There was no getting around that or drawing a happy face on it. But he deceived Damar into thinking Selena and the twins had died.

But they weren't dead. They were alive. Breathtakingly, vibrantly, beautifully alive according to the files worth of pictures Selena had sent him by subspace.

An almost deliriously heady joy suffused Damar at the knowledge and a rare genuine smile spread over his face in the quiet confines of the Arms Room. He wanted desperately to meet them though he had no clue what he could possibly say if and when he did. For now though, it was more than he'd hoped for just to know that somewhere out there that the same hearts he once heard beating up a storm on a medical monitor were still beating away with a part of him inside them.

That was the joy. There was also resentment and a sense of betrayal.

Resentment that the man he'd trusted as a friend and mentor for so long had so casually and easily affected so much influence over that situation; that Dukat had not left his young charge to make a man's decisions. That he'd left Damar to suffer so much unwarranted grief and guilt. That he'd sent Damar to be "retrained" by the Obsidian Order to put his past with Selena behind him and hastily accept a Cardassian wife.

The grief and guilt remained, but the reasons for the emotions had changed. Now survivor's guilt had morphed into the heavy remorse of a father who had not been there for his family and the cruel knowledge that he would never get that time back with his children.

And the damnable misery of it all was that Damar had just handed Dukat the key to dismantling the minefield around the wormhole.

Even before he submitted his ideas to Gul Dukat, a sense of dread had settled in his stomach like a dead weight. He wanted to trust Dukat's judgment as he always had, but the alliance with the Dominion refused to sit right with him. If his ideas worked, the dismantling of the minefield could be like opening Pandora's Box as Selena had explained the concept to him once upon a time.

Damar's eyes squeezed shut and he buried his face in his hands, not wanting to face it yet.

 _I find out they're alive only to help get them killed when the Dominion comes through the wormhole._

He tried to remind himself that it was for Cardassia and to be of service to the state was the greatest accomplishment among his people. Deep down though, he couldn't shake the sense of dread or dismiss the threat he felt the Dominion was to his children and the Cardassian people.

 _For Cardassia…_

The words sounded hollow.

W* W*W*W*

"Damar?!"

Lowering his hands from his face, Damar let his head fall in the direction of the familiar deep growl. The interruption annoyed him, but the other Cardassian's arrival reminded Damar that he was supposed to meet him at Quark's and was late. A drink sounded good though. Or a few…

"Rusot."

Sigol Rusot's dark brown eyes were wide with a horror and disbelief that deepened as he took in the familiar Arms room from long ago. And Damar's appearance…

Damar wanted to recoil from his longtime friend's intense stare, but there was nowhere to go and no way to conceal his darkened neck ridges that told Rusot exactly what had kept him. Had his intruder been anyone else, Damar might have felt embarrassment and shame course through him for being caught in the aftermath of a sexual interlude, but he and Rusot had been friends since childhood and early in their military careers had shared quarters. They were well acquainted with many aspects of each other's habits and personality. As it was, he was just irritated at the interruption.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing," Rusot growled lowly, jerking his head toward the doorway where he'd just passed the frozen hologram of Selena Lobos. "After all this time, I thought you'd finally laid that woman to rest in your heart and in the past where she belongs!"

Damar rolled his head back where it was before Rusot barged in and tilted it up toward the ceiling. His eyes squeezed shut in painful memory.

"No…," he murmured and drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I played the game when Dukat sent me to be "retrained" by the Obsidian Order. It was difficult at first. I dislike games and I dislike having to pretend to be someone I'm not. Or pretend to believe something I don't. But it wasn't worth risking the safety of my parents and siblings when Selena was dead so I pretended to "come around" so they'd return me to my life. I went through the motions like a good Cardassian man. I found a wife of good family and had children and I never shirked my responsibilities again. But let Selena go? No…"

Rusot took a few steps toward Damar, his body taut with anger.

"Surely, Gul Dukat would grant you leave so you could be with your wife rather than release yourself on this silly re-creation of a woman that died decades ago! Damar, how can you be so enamored of that Human woman even in death that a hologram of her is preferable to being with your proper Cardassian wife?!"

"I never said it was. Dukat needs me here," Damar said plainly, offering no further explanation.

Rusot's words though reminded Damar of his guilt. Guilt seemed to be the most common theme in Damar's life. Guilt for being such an unpatriotic and undisciplined Cardassian to have fallen in love with a non Cardassian woman and abandoning his duties on a few occasions to spend more time with her. The Survivor's guilt he felt after being told that Selena and the twins had died. Guilt that he'd risked the wrath of the Obsidian Order on his family in retribution for his rebellious behavior. Guilt that he married to give the pretense that he was a better Cardassian than he had been. Guilt that even though he had some love for his wife it still couldn't hold a candle to the love he still bore Selena.

The truth was Damar didn't want to go home to his wife. Every time he looked in her eyes, he was reminded of what an awful fraud of a husband he was; and how she deserved to be loved more than he seemed capable of loving her.

He thought about trying to explain it to Rusot, but Rusot was the spit polished example of a proper Cardassian soldier and citizen and wouldn't be receptive to Damar's words. Rusot existed to serve Cardassia and could see no further than that. To attempt to befriend non Cardassians and understand their cultures was anathema to him. To consider that the state was not wise in all things was beyond his comprehension. Their friendship had quite literally been the only thing that had allowed Rusot to tolerate Damar's relationship with Selena and even that might have been partially motivated by a desire to prevent embarrassment to the state by revealing Damar's scandalous relationship.

"Selena is alive, Sigol," Damar said softly, calling his friend by his first name. Military service had gotten them in the habit of addressing each other by their last names so the use of Rusot's first was a signal to the other man than Damar was distressed.

Rusot simply stared at him in disbelief. "You can't be serious…"

"Oh, can't I?"

There was a long, tense moment of silence as both men pondered the ramifications of that. Rusot for the first time. Damar for about the thousandth since he learned of Dukat's deception.

"I think I need a drink…," Rusot said finally.

A rueful smile tugged at Damar's lips. He could use a few drinks actually.


End file.
